I have...

I write and delete, write and..

No words are formulated as I think

Random, abstract, mystical

You are there right beside

Yet you are so far away

And all I know of is,

I have tried to run away

I am scared of what I feel

What can happen if I let it be

Yet when I close my eyes

And the silent whispers are uttered

You are in all my prayers

And I just want to say

Before I go away

Into the unknown mysteries

That you fulfil me,

You make me feel what is meant to be

Its for you that I can write

Something that I used to laugh at

Its to you that I would say

So that I have no regret ever

That I love you

With all my heart

Don’t know what tomorrow holds

I wish you find somebody that

You truly love,

I have had that feeling

And I know I cant hold on it

Just once more, I have loved you!

Unsaid expressions..misunderstood??

The winds were so silent, yet so cold. It enveloped me in a cocoon of unknown sorrow and despair. It seemed as if the light had decided to play hide and seek and the menacing darkness was so dense, I was unable to see beyond. I searched desperately to hold your hand, and you stood so far away, I called and called yet you never came to stand beside me and I stood there with warm tears embracing me.

I cower under the expectations, under the masks I am supposed to wear. The walls of ambition that I have built around me start to choke me, I try and build windows and call out your name but you stand with your back towards me, Have I already sent you so far? I call out your name, yet you walk away never giving me a chance.

I walk on the roads that I have never traversed, leaving behind my self, I run and run trying to catch up with you, to transform into whoever you want me to be..I looked around and saw those simling faces; I become jealous and I become sad; I seethe with rage and cry with envy; yet in the end I look solemnly around with just one question..why not me? Why not me?

You never answer me, you never look back. I want to scream, “Its not my fault, its not my fault”. As I stand alone on the crossroads, taking that next step that will take me away from you I just wanted you to say once anything..something…

I gather myself up, and I know its not the end, for I have the unknown with me..and I will decipher it. I have shed enough tears and waited enough..I cant seem to trace your footsteps, not be somebody I am not..this is who I am, who I will be…