Saturday, June 15, 2013

Musings of a converted shopaholic..

I looked across the window, through the hustle bustle as the sea of swarming people jostled me, the view was blurred as my eyes adjusted to the various hues as they rushed past me. With a deep sigh I forced myself to blink and move away, but the image beckoned me, it was of course love at first sight; there were already images in my mind how my life will become so much better with the presence of the unknown stranger and wasn't that the point of every relationship? I reasoned with myself as to how this could be one life changing decision that I was running away from. Every self help book, magazine and now even people's facebook status said the same thing, "A relationship is supposed to make you feel good" and here I am single at 27, running away from a potential life changing relationship. Of course I still didn't know if it was mutual or not but then...

With my head full of swarming thoughts, I rested at the nearby chair of the coffee shop and ordered for a decaf latte, one needs to watch out for those extra calories these days as I sipped my tasteless coffee and, watched with mixed feelings of longing and self righteousness at the girl sitting at the adjacent table having my favorite cold coffee with extra cream and that crunchy cookie. "You need to watch your weight" I reminded myself again and instead forced myself to think, as the self help books prescribed at other happy thought but all I could do was smell that coffee, forcing myself to get up and walk away, I smiled proudly as it was already 1-0 in my favour, I had resisted the temptation at least for once.

I had just walked a few steps, when I saw him again, this time as he flirted with another girl, she smiled and laughed and I looked jealously; wondered how he would be if he was with me, would he make me look better, make me look happier and satisfied? just as these thoughts were forming shape, a loud push threw me off balance, cursing the rushing girl, who looked back to just smile and apologise, I saw another one; and this time I knew I can't resist, I had to had to go across and give it a try..but a smaller inner voice inside my head reminded me, of the broken heart, of the sobs at the money wasted, of the closet full of reminders that needed to be thrown away, of the fact that I needed to declutter, "you are a convert, resist the temptation"

Throwing caution to the wind, I ran with all my heart and passion and almost collided with the salesman, "I need to try them" I pointed at the beautiful green shoes, as they looked longingly at me, "Oh size 6". As I wore them, I understood what it meant to that girl who was wearing them, why she flirted with them as she walked, I almost smiled with glee as to how they fit me, this is what a perfect relationship means I mused. I decided I needed to throw out all those books, which had me away from this happiness. I almost wanted to scream to the salesman, "yes, they are perfect I need them". I walked up the cash counter and took out my "only remaining" credit card, just before handing it out, I looked at them once again and knew I needed them, "that would be 5000 mam" the guy at the counter replied mechanically.

Just for a millisecond it hit me, but then you cant put a price to happiness I reminded myself, logically also they made perfect sense, they would go with everything I had, they were the colour of the season. Just then that irritating small voice started of, "you had decided not to do this, we were so good, its already been three months, this is not what you want, you resisted the coffee, and this would be a tie 1-1, they are just shoes" even at the thought of they being called just shoes, I rolled my eyes, I was in love and I needed to give them a try so that they can be a part of it.
"Mam, there are customers waiting, please" , "uhmmm, can I please try them once again?",  sensing the indecision, he suddenly changed his tome, "of course mam, why don't you wear these only we will pack your old sandals" and once again the affair started.

As I came out, it was like breathing fresh air again, "Why be a convert, when indulgence is fun!!", the inner voice smirked, "just wait till your bill comes out, then I would ask about the love", but till then I smiled as I strutted in them.

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