Reminiscence !

Unanswered, untouched...there are silent whisperings
which flow with the warm breeze slowly..
I look across the deep blue skies for a few moments
and close my eyes with memories...

They are within me, yet I stand outside
and watch as they unfold with a stranger's viewpoint
I wish I could mould them, yet I am impassive
as watch the colours mingle and fade away!

I smile and I laugh, I squirm and I cry
as the snapshots pass by, Was it a mirage?
or reality of illusions....I ask away questions
I wish to hold the sand, as it slowly slips away!

I watch them leave me as I open my eyes
to embrace the new ones, which I need to have
as the moments silently slip by
and I change from the spectator to the actor!!

College days and the bus rides!!

This post is dedicated to three great years at BMMMC- to decode the terminology, bachelor's of Mass Media and Mass Communication ( There is no honours in the name of the degree :P). The first thing I remember very distinctly from the first ever speech given to us was the term 'bra-burning' protests as the part of the feminist revolution happening around the world, for someone who didnt even used to see MTV videos ( for I was studying for those elusive 90 percentages in boards), I was glad this would be different and that it completely turned out to be :)

From watching films morning to evening, to acting like snobs when walking in the campus area, sneering at other courses (I wont say I am proud, but yeah that was fun :P), from being called as a batch to prinicipal's office every other day to the shoots and ideation sessions! It was never ending course work. The vicious fights over work, to writing scripts and searching for people who would work for us without money, to directing a final film :P..

In the midst of many gradual transformations happening and getting used to the idea of a girl's college were the people I met, who remain close friends till date ! Here there needs to be a special mention to the bus rides- and the two people involved in the same- Shaina and Shekha!!

The Endless waiting for DTC busses to come, to save 10 bucks everyday to Shaina providing us everyday laughter particularly 'THE FLYING INCIDENT' where in a crowded bus as the driver suddenly put his foot on the brake and it screeched to halt, Miss Kumar as she believed in travelling without holding the handle above, flew from where she was standing to hitting the Iron rod just before the exit gate, about 5m distance ( I am sure it really hurt her but no one could stop laughing :P) and the entire bus burst out laughing only remembering later to ask her if that hurt (Doesnt show me and shekha as being very good friends, but then such was the sight!)

I still get tears in my eyes laughing whenever I remember the incident and a sigh of relief when I remember the crazy deadlines for the projects, where all the photocopy and binding people had a lot of fun at our expense!! Thanks a ton Kamna, shekha, shaina, vartikka, shampee, misra, akansha for all the fun!!

Phoenix...

Slowly rhythmically it burnt
with just a quiver..
the air was filled with smoke
behind the unseen wafts of ashes
It was there..

Was it the celebration of change?
It wondered sarcastically
or just the curiosity of transformation
the definition of meaning
was still cluttered with euphemisms...

Silently it saw everything melt away
unknown unfelt into nothingness
with just its musings left behind
and the promise of beginnings
It closed its eyes...

Birthday post!- self discovery...

It wasn't the dampness of the still wet corner or the sulky winter evening, it was just me or the effect of seeping coldness that everything was transformed. The only thing left untouched was somehow me, as I started analyzing my years of being essentially me and my choices, myriad collages of memories started forming. Years of careful studying at school instead of careless fun, going through the teenage years of anxiety and frustration, with always the complex that I am not pretty like the other girls around me because as the neighbourhood aunty said "the girl is dark and intelligence isnt really required, what will happen?". Its been some journey so far...

Doing graduation in a course that was looked down, because it wasn't the usual to finding a side to me that was yet unknown through the films that I saw, the friends that I made, the work I did, I am still indebted to mass communication for making me who I am to doing MBA, it's been many croosroads...

From being unsure about me to being in relationships, having my heart broken to being the cause of someone's ill health, from trusting blindly to being cautious at every step and from being a believer in love to a cynic.. Its been years of growing up yet still being the same.

From wishing to being a poet to doing marketing :P, from a loner to having great friends, from inferiority complex to confidence in being me, a lot of passages have been covered, yet there are more complex ones still left to untangle. I am still searching to understand me, I guess that's a bit too long a process to end in just 25 years...

Thanks for being with me at any step of this journey..I know its not easy but I am not that difficult either :)

Hope...

It blessed me silently
away from the dark noise
It kissed my hand
and hugged me tightly
It said a silent prayer and left me
I woke up to find it gone
I searched and searched
but I know it would
come back to be with me
I know it loves me
and I smiled to the
morning breeze and the
warm white clouds
I know it is still hiding away
and i know it would come back
to hold me to sound sleep again!!

Darkness before the dawn!

The darkness was petrifying, it was cold very cold and the numbness was mystifying. All around was just barren land, emptiness was the only thing that it had, surrounded by heavy mist . She sat there in the middle, hugging herself closely, silently, the only noise was the fall of tears on the ground. Their splash was almost rhythmic, occasionally broken by the sobs in between. She sat there for a long time, waiting for the light to come through the small cracks in the faraway broken doors, the hide and seek should have ended long ago. The dark silence, was suddenly broken by the echo of distant menacing laughter, terrified she looked up from her lap, her scared eyes tried to cut through the darkness. The echo grew loud and clear, she ran away, as fast as she could, yet it kept on chasing her, enveloping her in its grip further. At last, when her legs gave away and the end was nowhere near, she sat down on the emptiness and decided to wait for the light to finally come and give her the warmth and end the evil laughter.

Yet, all she did was kept on waiting with expectant eyes as she still sat there alone wrapped in the cold and the echo of laughter as they tried to make her a part of the emptiness, take away who she was. Suddenly, the door creaked open and a ray of light made its way through only to get taken in by darkness, she stood up, weak and empty, and made her way through to the valley.

The ray of light fought valiantly and came between her path, it tried to warm her, protect her, it encircled her and she finally stopped, she shed away the cold and the laughter as they watched horrified. She walked with the light and decided to walk towards the door and break it open! For now just a crack cant end the darkness and the dawn wasn't far away ...

“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.” - Roy Craft

Simplicity for me is essentially breaking down things into smaller parts and then fitting them in the jigsaw puzzle that I designed, and once the pieces fit bingo! I understand it, it goes inside my dictionary. Somehow, whenever I encounter this word or emotion or shall we say phenomenon called love, its been difficult or tiring to simplify it, part of it has to be attributed to my amazingly learning experiences on the subject; But not taking a cynic point of view on the same and looking at it rather from a third person's or a more objective point of view, to simplify or define it has been rather complicated (pun intended), hence while reading the last Sunday's newspaper I came across this statement "In love, its all about who you feel to be in other person's presence". This makes it simplistic yet endearing in a sort of way that after a very long time, I could feel it clicking inside, it had been defined in the way that it fits all the pieces of the puzzle that were scattered. It was feeling those drops of rain on your face when you look at the sky with closed eyes and splash!! they come quickly, worth the feeling of anticipation. Perhaps the fitment is also subject to the past experiences of the same and the realization that it hasn't happened yet and the joy of having found something you thought was lost forever. Yes indeed !!!

Before I finish this post, just adding another dimension, since dimensions is another of my favorite subjects with the aspect of parallel universe but that's digressing from the point. Somehow, its always the simplistic things which in order to be more simplified result in complications which weren't required. I feel light and am floating with a lightness from an unknown feeling of just being me!